Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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