I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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