I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
