the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
