how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
