if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
