I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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