Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
