My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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