Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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