Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Randomize
