I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
We need to get me chipped asap
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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