Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
