alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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