Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
