he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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