it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
