We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I just found a bag of teeth...
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
