and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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