Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
