How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
