she was so not down for the gang bang
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
