I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
