Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
