I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
