you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
