6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
