they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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