Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
