The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
