if i can run in heels then i can drive
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
