If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
