She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
