I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
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