I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Randomize
