I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
