we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
