The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
