My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
