I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
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