my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Randomize