i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
