I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
