i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
