I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize