How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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