fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
