therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
