addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
