Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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