Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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