Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
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