she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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