and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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