I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
