i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
