everyone is single if you try hard enough
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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