btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
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