I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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