I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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