I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
