Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize