I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
