Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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