I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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