am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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