..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Randomize
