Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
