look no pants
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
