evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
