I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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